Transformers

Look – the transformer has a sadface.

This is because the Transformers film (2007) is what happens when you give a camera to a stupid, obnoxious teenage boy with a hundred and fifty million dollars. It is genuinely the dumbest and most irritatingly poor film I’ve ever seen at the cinema.

At the risk of appearing rude to the friends I saw this with, I was close to leaving the cinema about three times, during what may well have been the most immoral 150 minutes of my life. I say immoral, because when we hand over our money to see films this shit, we are funding something worse and more depressing than terrorism.

Do the right thing and avoid it as you would a drunken old man, stumbling towards you with its willy out. It’s just as unpleasant.